Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
