I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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