Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
