mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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