he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
