Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's never too late to be topless.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize