WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
