Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need water and some morals
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
