I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
its not stalking. its research.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
