Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
