Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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