I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
