Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Did I show you my penis last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
