There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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