woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
