no, he came in my armpit
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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