I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
