Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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