mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
