I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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