thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
