it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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