Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Send help, water and tortillas.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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