Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think your dad took our porno
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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