Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
