you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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