he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
