I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
