You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
