But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
