Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
