You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I stole a fireplace last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I love you. Go after that dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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