good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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