I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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