If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
