so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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