I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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