you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
