so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
