O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
