i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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