We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
