He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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