I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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