Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
