it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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