I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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