You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
