I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
