paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
