Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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