I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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