All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
