Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
