if you like me you must not know who I am
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
