I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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