I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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