"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
