Need sex. Gaining weight.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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