life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
