Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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