Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
