So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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