A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
