Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to calm my uterus...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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