God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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