At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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