so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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