I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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