Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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