come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
