babies were throwing up all over the place
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
