I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
